Question:
Since childhood, my parents have had many arguments, and even a year after my marriage, this continued. I am 31 years old now. During each argument, they would involve us children, leading my siblings and me to eventually talk back. Now, we respond rudely over minor issues, and while they are primarily responsible for this behaviour, we know we will still be held accountable. What is the ruling on how we can stop this disobedience, which has become a habit, and how can we address our parents’ normalizing this behaviour? I want to remain silent, but every other day, they complain about each other, and we end up siding with one parent against the other. How can we maintain obedience to our parents?
Answer:
It is obligatory for every Muslim to respect their parents, even if they are in the wrong. In this situation, you should frequently study the rights of parents and reflect on the severe warnings in ahadith regarding disobedience to them. Here are a few examples:
Sayyiduna Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (رضي الله عنه) narrated: “I asked the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), ‘Which action is most beloved to Allah?’ He said, ‘Prayer at its proper time.’ I asked, ‘What next?’ He said, ‘Good treatment of parents.’ I asked again, ‘What next?’ He said, ‘Striving in the path of Allah.’ (Bukhari)”
Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik (رضي الله عنه) reported: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “Whoever wishes to have their life prolonged, and their provision increased, let them be good to their parents and maintain family ties.”
Sayyiduna Abu Bakra (رضي الله عنه) narrated: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “Shall I not tell you about the greatest of sins?” He repeated this three times. We asked, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah.” He said, “Associating partners with Allah and disobedience to parents.”
There are many other ahaadith that emphasize the importance of respecting parents and warn against disobedience. In the interest of brevity, we will focus on these. May Allah grant you the strength to obey and honour your parents.
And Allah, the Most High, and His Messenger ﷺ know best.
Written by:
Mufti Syed Siraj Ul Arifeen Shah
St. Ives (Cambridgeshire, UK)
21/09/2024 09:18, 17 Rabi ul Awwal, 1446 Hijri
Translated to English by
Mawlana Muhmmad Irfan Qureshi.
