Question: Hello, I have an addiction that i have struggled with for 4 years and i have tried to get sober before but never repented truly i was a muslim at heart but not really and in the past year my addiction got exposed to my family in that time i started to turn to allah every time and i would do great but fall back into and my mom would forgive me but keep me stuck at home. I repent and pray and asghfur and make dua alot, but i keep falling back and i already know the answer to that is to keep turning to allah and keep faith in his mercy and i do not doudt it or believe it any less with every relapse, its the opposite i start doing more and more acts of worship and research with each relapse, but my mother has gotten to a point where i think she gave up on forgiving me, i always feel guilt and shame and hate that i do it to her i truly do and each time she’ll ground me then unground me, this time she isnt talking to me im i should keep on apologizing even if she has given up because i caused that. But for my deen and for my repentance what do i do as i dont think her grounding me and keeping locked up is helping not is the guilt tripping and shamming. i feel like i need to do this by myself with my own freedom and chose to not fall back not because i am caged. but i dont know how to get that to her or tell her, only god can put me on the straight path, regardless of what restrictions she and my family put. i dont know what to do. I know i dont have the right but the guilt tripping from them and the restrictions arent helping i am a lady and while i think moving out of the house can help i dont know how to explain it to them that it isnt becausee i want to be free to do what i like but that the cycle happens in this place not because of the people but still its the same place. what do i do in both regarding my mother (other than never stopping trying to gain here forgivness and rida and also about my living situation and my moms way of dealing with it or helping me
Answer
Your struggle reflects a sincere desire to improve and strengthen your relationship with Allah and your family, particularly your mother. Below, I will address your situation in light of the Islamic teachings:
- Your Relationship with Allah and Repentance
Islamic Perspective on Relapse in Addiction and Tawbah (Repentance)
- Continuous Repentance: In Islam, sincere repentance is always accepted, regardless of how often one falls back into sin. Allah says:
۞ قُلْ يَـٰعِبَادِىَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا۟ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا۟ مِن رَّحْمَةِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ ٱلذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلْغَفُورُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ
“Say(o beloved), Oh my those servants Who have wronged themselve! Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (Qur’an 39:53)
Each time you relapse, turn back to Allah with sincerity, seek His forgiveness, and renew your commitment. Remember, Shaytan wants you to lose hope, but Allah’s mercy is boundless.
- Spiritual Remedies for Strength:
- Consistency in Salah: Never abandon your prayers, even during moments of weakness. Salah is a shield against sin.
- Morning and Evening Dhikr: Regular dhikr strengthens the heart. Say Astaghfirullah frequently and recite the last two verses of Surah Al-Baqarah before sleeping.
- Environment Change: As you mentioned, being in the same environment can trigger relapses. Islam recognizes that certain sins are easier to avoid when one changes their surroundings.
- Dealing with Your Mother
- Her Disappointment and Forgiveness: In Islam, respecting and honoring parents is crucial, but it’s also important to maintain communication:
- Apologize Sincerely: Keep apologizing, even if she isn’t receptive at the moment. Show her through consistent actions that you are genuinely trying to overcome your addiction.
- Patience and Kindness: Speak to her with humility and calmness. Allah commands us to speak to our parents with kindness even when they are upset:
وَٱخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًۭا
“…lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.’” (Qur’an 17:24)
- Explaining Your Need for a Change:
- Gently explain that your repentance and recovery would benefit from a new environment. Assure her that your goal is not to escape her authority but to grow closer to Allah and overcome your addiction.
- Seek the help of a trusted family member, religious elder, or counselor to mediate this conversation if direct communication is difficult.
- Living Situation and Guilt Tripping
- Seeking Independence with Wisdom:
While it is important to honor your parents, Islam allows you to take necessary steps for your well-being, especially when dealing with personal struggles like addiction. The Prophet ﷺ said:
“There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.” (Ibn Majah)
If staying at home hinders your recovery, explain that you need to take personal responsibility for your actions. Ensure her that this step is for healing and not rebellion.
- Balance Between Obedience and Self-Care:
In Hanafi Fiqh, obedience to parents is obligatory unless it involves harm or prevents you from fulfilling your obligations to Allah or improving yourself. Seek to maintain a balance by:- Regularly visiting or calling her to show that you value her.
- Reassuring her of your commitment to staying on the straight path.
- Practical Steps Moving Forward
- Seek Professional Help: Addiction is both a spiritual and psychological challenge. Consider counseling or therapy from a Muslim counselor who can integrate Islamic values with professional techniques.
- Develop a Support System: Surround yourself with righteous company. The Prophet ﷺ said:
ألمَرءُ عَلَی دین خَلیلِهِ فَلیَنظُر أحَدُکُم مَن یُخالِلُ
“A person is on the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he takes as a friend.” (Tirmidhi)) Riyad as-Salihin 367(
Join Islamic support groups, masjid programs, or other networks to keep your iman strong.
- Set Gradual Goals: Work on small, consistent steps toward recovery. Celebrate even small victories as progress toward breaking the cycle.
- Du’as for Strength and Guidance
In addition to your acts of worship, consistently make du’a for strength and guidance. Here are two powerful du’as:
اللهم إني أعوذ بك من منكرات الأخلاق والأعمال والأهواء
- “Allahumma inni a’udhu bika min munkaratil akhlaqi wal a’mali wal ahwa’i.”
(O Allah, I seek refuge in You from reprehensible character, actions, and desires.)
(الترمذي، الدعوات، باب دعاء أم سلمة، حديث:3591،)ؕ
يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِي عَلَى دِينِك
- “Ya Muqallibal-quloob thabbit qalbi ‘ala deenik.”
(O Turner of hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion.)
Conclusion
Keep turning to Allah and trust in His guidance. Your efforts, even if imperfect, are deeply valued by Allah. With patience, sincere repentance, and gradual change, you can overcome this struggle. May Allah grant you steadfastness, heal your relationship with your mother, and ease your path to recovery.
واللہ تعالیٰ ورسولہ الکریم ﷺ اعلم بالصواب
Written by: Mufti Syed Siraj Ul Arifeen Shah
St. Ives (Cambridgeshire, UK)
10/01/2025 19:58 PM, 9 Rajab, 1446 Hijri
